BAD Query Contest

Today, I'm taking part in Sharon Bayliss' Bad Query Contest.

Here's what Sharon had to say about the contest:

There are lots of query contests out there looking for GOOD queries, but I'm offering something different. On June 10th, I'll be looking for the worst of the worst.

Here is how it will work:

1) On June 10th, write the worst query you can and post it on your blog.

2) Hop around to the other blogs and take in all the horribleness.

3) On 6/10-6/13, visit to vote for your favorite BAD query.

The query with the most votes will win a $25 Amazon gift card and the glory of knowing you're the worst of the worst.

The idea is to write a fictional query highlighting bad query qualities, not to showcase actual bad queries!

The contest is an opportunity to have fun, make each other laugh, and get all the bad query writing out of our system. Anyone who pokes fun at an actual author or book will be disqualified.

Here's mine:

Hey yo, publishing people!

I gots to tell ya 'bout this killer book that I wrote, 'cuz I know it's gonna make you millions.

You see, it's about an orphan boy who can do magic, and during his first year at magic school, he has to destroy an evil ring, by taking it through an enchanted wardrobe, to this land where it's always winter. But in the land of always winter, there's this political plot, and the boy had to survive, as seven houses battle for a throne.

Totes original, right? I don't think you've read anything like this before ... you know why? My sister's boyfriend's hair-dresser's dog read it for me, and said it was the best story ever, and he should know, 'cos he's the second cousin twice removed of the president of Random House Publishing.

And this bad boy doesn't even need editing, yo, because I totes ran it through spell-check first and got rid of all those red squiggly lines.

Plus, I made you a cover:

So, you see, it's pretty much ready to publish, right? And if you do publish it, I'm 100% certain it will be a New York Times best seller, and make you millions of dollars. And if you do accept my book, I will buy you a cookie.

But if you don't, I'm coming to your house, and pooping on your front lawn. So you better publish my book! Or else!!!

Thank you.


Joe Bloggs (future famous author)


  1. Love the cover! That would definitely work in a query... Oh, what? You're not supposed to draw a cover. Ooooh... :-) I love the sign-off too!

  2. Oh my gosh, that was hilarious! I especially loved that he got rid of all those red squiggly lines. Lol! Good luck, Clare!

  3. LOL, that bad boy doesn't need any editing. And the cover is awesome!

  4. Gads, I was sold on the voice of the first paragraph. And then, I read on .. .

  5. That would be sooooo tempting for every publisher out there, I don't doubt ;)


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