First off, huge thanks to everyone who dropped by my blog yesterday for A is for [the] Arcane Abilities Alignment Centres. The comments and responses to my first letter were really encouraging, and I'm glad you're all enjoying these little snippets from my novel.
Today, a scene straight from Sibylline Nights.
Maggie,
Nola and Esmee turned back to the elevator just as the doors rattled
open.
Out
stepped an old woman of about sixty, accompanied by a scared looking
PID agent.
The
woman was vaguely familiar, with jaw length auburn hair, that was
streaked with grey. She was wearing a simple grey smock, matching
trousers and plain black shoes. She looked utterly unremarkable.
"Blast
her," Nola said to Maggie.
"No
need for that," the old woman said. She flexed her fingers and
the hallway was illuminated by a blinding white light. The elevator
bell chimed, and the striplights overhead blinked out. The sisters
were stunned and chose not to advance any closer. The heat was
palpable as thin currents of electricity crackled along the ceiling,
walls and floor. "I mean you no harm."
"Really?
Then why did you just try to electrocute us?" Maggie said.
"To
get your attention. I wouldn't have hurt you though."
"Why
should we trust you?" Nola said.
"Because
I'm Betty Leahey, your maternal grandmother." Her brown eyes
pleased with them to believe her. She put her hands in the pockets of
her smock and took a tentative step forwards.
Esmee
took a tiny step towards Betty, a small smile tugging at her lips.
She couldn't take her eyes off the woman claiming to be her
grandmother. Maggie studied Betty closely, looking her up and down to
take in every little detail. However, unlike Esmee, she had taken a
step backwards. Only Nola remained where she was, looking directly at
Betty and refusing to break eye contact; her head defiantly tilted
upwards.
Sebastian,
who was a pace or two behind Betty regarded the three girls, in their
late teens, steadily.
"Oh
well now this is really pushing the perimeter of believability,"
Nola said, the disbelief clear in her tone.
Overhead
the striplights flashed back on and the hallway was once again washed
with unnatural light.
"Your
names are Magdalene, Nola and Esmee Reid. You were born on the first
of May nineteen-ninety-three, to Dawn and Finn Reid."
"You
could have found that out from the PID," Esmee said.
"Yeah,
you've got one with you now. He probably told you."
Somewhere
in the distance an alarm sounded, and the triplets all turned in the
direction of the noise.
Betty
pulled their focus back to her with a small cough.
"Sebastian
is my friend, and he's helping us
escape. If you want more proof that I'm your Grandmother, look at
this."
Betty
reached into her blouse and pulled out a golden locket. It was simple
and plainly decorated, smooth apart from a sun embellished on the
front, and on a long gold chain. The metal gleamed in the light as
though it had been recently polished.
She
opened it to reveal a picture of a woman in her early twenties with
long red hair and bright green eyes. In her arms she held three
babies, all with the same shade of eyes as their mother, and tufts of
coppery hair. Behind them stood a smiling man with dark jaw length
hair and blue eyes.
"Your
mother and father," Betty said, holding out the locket for Esmee
to take.
A
jolt of power ran through Esmee and her head was filled with visions.
Her mother and father on her first birthday, as they sat playing with
her and her sisters. The memory pulled her in, as though she were
reliving the picture in her mind. The locket was around her mother's
neck, as she span one of the babies around in circles. Her heart
ached and for a moment Esmee thought the reliving her past was going
to overwhelm her.
Suddenly
the vision changed and the scene of her childhood faded.
Now,
her mother's locket being placed in a police evidence bag by a
uniformed officer. Blood tarnished the smooth gold. Esmee's stomach
roiled as she realised what the blood was from.
But
before she had time to linger on the thought the image changed again.
This
time a friendly-faced PID agent, Sebastian she realised with a jolt,
slipped the locket through the gap in the door of Betty's cell.
Betty
smiled, took the trinket from him and placed it in the pocket of her
smock. The vision faded to blackness.
For
a moment Esmee could not speak. Her throat felt uncommonly dry, and
the tears in her eyes clouded her line of sight. Wordlessly she
handed the locket back to Betty.
Esmee
stepped forwards and stood besides Betty. Maggie was quick to copy
her, leaving only Nola opposite her sisters and grandmother.
"Happy
family reunions will have to wait a while longer, we need to get out
of here," Sebastian said from behind.
Maggie
looked along the corridor to where the first of the PID agents were
waking."He's right."
They
all piled back into the elevator and Nola hit the button for the
ground floor.
Lucky me! It's still 4/1/12 here in the USA, so I got to see two posts at once. Great images and storyline. Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteScribblesFromJenn
Happy A to Z-ing!
Ah, the joys of time differences. Thanks for reading and commenting on both. Glad to hear you enjoyed them.
DeleteHappy A-Zing to you too!
Very interesting!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE Blare Brown! Great choice to represent your character.
Thanks Kelley! :D
DeleteI like your style, very engaging! And your story has me already curious, hope to read more about it. This is my first A to Z Challenge and I'm happy to see so many varied topics to feast my mind on.
ReplyDeleteTake care and good luck.
From Diary of a Writer in Progress (#518)
Thank you Gina. that's a really encouraging comment. This is my first A-Z challenge too and I agree, there's so many wonderful topics. I learned a lot already.
DeleteAnother excellent excerpt! I love that Esmee's powers helped to prove the truth. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm glad you liked it!
DeleteHi Clare! Nice to meet you (and Betty).
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the Challenge!
KarenG
Thanks for the welcome, and comment. Good to meet you too.
DeleteLove this actress. Great choice!
ReplyDeleteThanks. glad you enjoyed it.
DeleteGreat scene! Enjoy the A-Z challenge!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Glad you enjoyed it.
DeleteEnjoyed meeting B-is-for-Betty-Leahey.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Glad you liked it.
DeleteReally enjoyed this piece.
ReplyDeleteReminded me a bit of the tv show 'Charmed' - 3 sisters with supernatural powers :) Damn I love that show ! Now I can't wait to read more about the triplets !!
Thank you, so pleased you liked it.
DeleteI won't lie, Charmed is one of my inspirations. Hopefully though, as you get to see more of the triplets and their world, I will have created something original inspired by the show.
From the little I have read of your writing, I'm looking forward to reading the entire book :) Your writing is fast paced, insightful, and has depth which is what I enjoy most when reading a book :)
DeleteCan't wait to read the rest of it !
Thank you so much. I cannot tell you how much your comments mean to me.
DeleteMmm.. Interesting!
ReplyDeleteNow there's some mystique.
anna
Enjoyed the short today. Looking forward to the next installment! : )
ReplyDeleteThank you. Glad to hear you enjoyed it.
DeleteYou really have a great cast going, here. Looking forward to more!
ReplyDeleteHappy Monday!
Jaycee's A-Z
Thank you. So pleased you're enjoying it.
DeleteVery cool stuff! I'm so glad I get to experience your writings thru A to Z! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Glad you're enjoying it.
DeleteLooks like you are of the "only use SAID" mentality. Though that is the preferred word of many professionals, I tend to lean toward a little more variety — without sounding silly, though. Of course, this might be because I don't skip over Said as many do. I like it when authors judiciously use asked, replied, and such.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, though. Your writing is very good.
You know, it's funny you mentioned the "said" issue. Until I started editing this novel, I mixed it up. But I read a lot that made me believe professionals frowned upon it.
DeleteOne of the best reasons I heard for only using said was because if you're doing your job as a writer, you don't need things like whispered etc. It should be obvious from the text.
For example, is asked really necessary if there's a question mark present? Isn't it then obvious the person asked?
Though I do think there are a few occasions when said just isn't enough.
As to what I'll do with my novel and said ... I will re-evaluate things when the first edit is complete.
But thank you for your comment. I'm glad you're enjoying what you've seen so far.
Perhaps the use of said would make a good blog topic for when the A-Z challenge is over.
DeleteWhat a story! Thanks for putting it out there for all to read.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. Glad you enjoyed it. :D
Delete@Anna Tan - Blogger seems to have ate your comment, but I just wanted to say thanks for dropping by my blog. Glad you enjoyed what you saw today.
ReplyDeleteNot being previously familiar with these characters, I was struck most by the way they differed in their physical reactions to Betty. Immediately drawn in, immediately repelled, and immediately stubbornly standing her ground--it was a great glimpse into the three of them.
ReplyDeletewww.joycesully.com
Thank you for dropping by and commenting. Very astute observations on the triplets' reaction to meeting their grandmother for the first time.
DeleteSo cool! I would have loved to be a part of the challenge, but my posts take hours to write.
ReplyDeleteLook forward to the rest!
Thank you. I'm pleased you're enjoying what you've seen to far.
DeleteGreat scene!
ReplyDelete